Back To Square One

I had been doing GREAT with WALKING/RUNNING my 20 MILES a week and doing my work out videos for a LONG time...but then finals came...and with finals came stress which means I put some lbs back on. (mainly because I wasn't running or working out..don't judge I DIN'T have TIME!) So now I'm back to where I was before I started to run. I'm 15 lbs from where I was BEFORE I got pregnant. I REALLY want to lose this 15 lbs! I need to remember that when I'm faced with cheesy home made mac and cheese or a tripple scoop of ice cream...mmm...MUST. NOT. THINK. ABOUT. FOOD. When I'm off of school and it's time to celebrate it makes it EVEN MORE hard to make the right choices! Summer is weeks away and I REALLY want to fit into my swim suits! I've just got to keep working hard! I'm even taking all of my classes online for the summer just so I CAN workout when I need to and work on class work when I can't be outside running!
*Just keep running. Just keep running. Running, running. What do we do? We run, Run, RUN!

A New Smile

When I was about 10 I chipped one of my front teeth on the edge of a pool, the memory of it still makes me shudder. (Worse then nails on a chalk board!) When I was 13 or 14 I was doing back flips with a friend, also in a pool, I was in shallow water and once again smacked my face this time on the bottom of the pool (instead of the edge), I chipped both of my teeth that time. While I was in high school I hit my teeth against the pool a few more times...needless to say I've had a lot of bad luck when it comes to my poor front teeth. When we lived in NY Ethan and I were playing and he hit me head on...guess what...he hit my front teeth knocked out my fillings on both of my front teeth. Since that point I've been getting my front teeth filled to keep them from being less sensitive. Well I decided to get them fixed! And it's all done! I will post pictures of the finished product...(for those of you who care). I was super worried about getting it done but so worth it! I was able to get my teeth whiter and a bit more straight. I think they look great, and most people can't even tell that I've had the work done.
The nice thing about a veneer is the dentist doesn't take down much of your tooth (which is a good thing!) It's nice to have this done. I met the guy who did my veneers (because I was really picky, which you should be, and I was able to tell him exactly what I wanted) He used to work at the same Lab that I used to work at (I used to be a dental technician before I became SUPER MOM) But now he does work for a small high end lab, which means that the veneers were 1500 a piece! Because I got to know him he gave me a freakin great deal, 400 a piece! I know that seems like a lot but I was having a LOT of pain just drinking water from all of the damage that I've caused. I know I'm crazy for even saying this...because it was (not gonna lie) SUPER painful! (the shots and drilling...shudder) but I think I will get 2 more done (not anytime soon...I'm too poor!) to make my smile even more even. Anyway...It's just nice to have it done and have a nice smile again.

New Clothes

Since the hubs is going to law school it means that for 3-4 years funds will be really tight. Since they will be tight I want to be able to have enough to prepare for the years minimalism. I've noticed a BIG decline in my trendiness since I've become a mom. Mostly because I don't want to buy more "fat" clothes (which is why I'm trying to lose the post bebe weight!) What is it about getting your hair done, and a new outfit that just makes you feel great?! I haven't bought any new clothes in a while because I have a lot of clothes that I can fit into when I've lost the extra lbs but I just want to have some new things...these are some of the fun new things that I've been looking at
I can't wait until I'm skinny enough where I can feel cute in smaller sized clothes :)

How do I put this nicely...

Please understand that before reading the remainder that I'm NOT projecting this out to anyone. I am talking about the general population!

One of my BIGGEST problems right now is making it to church, I want nothing more then to be able to make it to church every week. Since the break out of the Swine flu my family has had a hard time remaining healthy. This year we have been more sick then we have EVER been in the 5 years that I have been married combined! I have spent weeks and weeks at home not letting my kids and my self interact with others because I did not want to spread the illnesses around. I feel that if a parent is sick or a child is sick the WHOLE FAMILY is carrying the germs of the same illness.

IF YOU OR YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN ARE SICK PLEASE FOR RESPECT OF OTHERS ALL OF YOU STAY AT HOME!

Within less than 48 hrs after going to church I and my son got sick again. I do all that I can to wash my hands and sanitize as much as possible. However my efforts are in vain I feel because sick people or people with sick family members don't stay at home.

I now have some kind of sinus infection with aches and pains which has made it so that I have to try to take care of my family while I'm super sick. I no longer have health insurance so I cannot afford to go see the doctor to get a prescription for whatever is making me sick. I feel bitter and angry at people who think that it is more important to go to church sick (putting others/my family and I at risk for getting illnesses that you KNOW you are carrying) then it is to stay at home to recover (the whole family).

Am I being brash? I think that once you have had to spend as much time in doors away from friends and family because we keep getting sick then you might not feel the same way. Is it that there is something wrong with our bodies that are making it so that we keep getting sick? It's very possible. Do I find it rather ironic that we are not the only family with the same sicknesses? No I don't think that it is ironic, I think that it is others being selfish letting their sicknesses spread because they want to get out of their houses and now once again I'm stuck in mine! So Thank you to whoever it was who decided to spending time socializing while sick.

I need to freakin Relax!

I think most women...(those who are...getting action) have had at one point or another felt that bit of panic...the kind that you get from being a week late. (ya know...from your good ol' friend mother nature) Now I'm like 97% sure that there are several factors as to why this is happening. It's been a SUPER stressful week. I have so many papers to write and math homework to figure out on top of some normal family drama. Now I know that when I'm stressed that it can make "things" from progressing....like they should. It is so easy to go online these days and find a good calculator that will help you figure out when things SHOULD be happening. Then when you read about "common signs of pregnancy" you can't help but freak out because you have a chest that hurts and you do feel a bit crampy but it COULD be that our friend MN is coming...or it can also just be an indicator of pregnancy. Since after I had baby #1 I've been like clock work. I've never skipped a beat...every 28 days...wha-bam! Full force of "I need chocolate, you need to rub my back and don't you dare think about putting your hands there Mister!"

Now I've heard that when there is a change in the seasons that it can often change your cycles, but thus far that has never been a problem. (like I said, clock work!) I know (or at least I'm really hoping) that all I need to do is relax. I need to be not up tight....not going to lie though it is really hard to relax when we just found out that we didn't get into the schools that we wanted and I have to move far away. I would go run to help me relax but it's snowing outside and I can't take my kids outside when it's this cold for that long. Grrr....I think I will break down and buy a test. I know I will feel so silly after I take the test and it is negative, but at least it will be peace of mind right?!

I thought this was kinda funny because this is what I feel like I'm doing right now...I keep looking at the clock and am thinking to myself "Any second now!"

And PS. IF you thought that this was some kind of April fools joke...it's is NOT :( (I guess the joke is on me)

Just as an update...Phew, no babies coming anytime soon...negative test. :)

Walk It Off

Losing baby weight for some women is not a big deal, within a few days, weeks, or months they are back into their "pre-baby" clothes and weight. I guess for my body type I hold onto that baby weight longer then I feel is necessary. These days it seems that there is an expectation to lose the weight quickly or to not gain any weight while you are pregnant. Again, I'm NOT that lucky. There are so many times where I see what my body has turned into and it is very depressing. Before I had children I was (on average when I shoot for a healthy weight...at my skinniest I was 129 but who are we kidding that is NOT healthy for a woman of my height.) 142 lbs and 13-17% body fat. For a woman of 6 ft tall that is my ideal weight. I know that I could get close to that weight but I know that it will be a long time before I get to that weight again and I think it would not even happen until AFTER I'm DONE having children.

For the time being, I'm trying my best to balance regular life and exercises. My goal is to walk 20 miles a week and get in some exercises dvd's that target specific muscle groups. My mile average is right where I want it to be at 20.167.

I've been doing this for almost a month now and I have to say that I'm NOT seeing the weight loss that I was hoping for. BUT I TOTALLY see a difference in how I feel about myself. I feel like I can like myself more even though I'm not as skinny as I need/want to be.

My house isn't as clean as it normally is, my laundry piles are bigger then normal but I'm WAY more patient with my kiddos. In the end of my life, I don't think I will remember if my house was always spotless but I will remember all of the fun time I spent with my kids going to see the horses, farm animals, and going to the park.

I have never been into running before but I'm really enjoying this change. I want to be into this for the long haul. Speaking of which it's time for me to go walk it off.

Must Stay Awake

Do you remember a time before kids, and being married....Was it not that you LIVED for the night life and the weekends?! When me and the hubs were dating we would stay up past 3 and 4 am. I would run home to sleep for an hr or two then go back to school and proceed through the day just like the day before, not feeling any major side effects. Now....I get a few hrs less of sleep and you better watch you because the beast is going to attack! Last night we made, at the time a smart, and hasty choice of getting a new phone which extends our contract another year...Now if I wait 2 months and let our contract run to the end then we can switch to a different carrier for the same amount that we would spend every month BUT get unlimited everything...(really not that important to this post) The point I'm trying to make is...I stressed about what I should do and if I was making the right choice SO much that I did not sleep much...I slept from about 12:40 to 1:30 then from about 2 to 4:15...It got to the point that I knew if I went to sleep I would feel more sleepy then if I just stayed awake. Now I'm feeling grumpy. I have MORE things that I have to get done today...and I have to give the cool phone back....GRRR!!! Both my kids stayed up late and got up early today so that should make things all the more fun right? Nothing a little shopping therapy can't fix right? I just wish that I could make it through the day like it's no big deal that I didn't sleep much at all. There are some good points to getting older...but lets be honest many of them TOTALLY STINK!

Minus 10

That is right! I'm down 10 lbs in less then 2 weeks. I've been eating a really lean diet and walking 2-3 miles every day. Plus working out at home doing exercise videos (almost everyday) I really am pleased with my determination to watch what I eat and to make sure that I don't skip a day on working out. I'm hoping that I can lose another 15 and if I'm really hard core then I'm hoping for a total of another 25 (but I'm giving myself all the way to summer to complete this goal) I know that I have to take it one day at a time, but those are my goals and it feels great to get to make it to the first mile stone in losing the 2nd bebe-bebe weight.

I thought that this clip was funny because I totally do this the only level place for me to get weighed is by my front door, I will strip down to as little as I can and stand on the scale when no one is around. Good thing I always lock the door so Ben can't just walk in and surprise me...and scare our neighbors ;)

Chicken and a Biscuit

Last night the fam and I were watching home movies...we were watching one where kiddo broke his leg. I had a few different extremes of feelings, first I felt all of that same panic where I didn't know how to make things better for my kid, and second as I was reflecting on what happened I thought about how despite how horrific the situation was, we were able to get through it. Not only were we dealing with our child who has already had several surgeries on his legs already but a new born child and my husband had lost his job all in less than a month. One of our many visits to the ER that week my son was so sleepy and so heavily medicated that he wasn't really aware of his surroundings and he started to say the word "Chicken and a Biscuit" (because dad said his cast smelled like it) For the rest of the week, and then some, every time he had a hard time we could say "Chicken and a Biscuit" and it would make him laugh and forget about the pain for a little bit...I want to remember all of the blessings we had during that time, and I want to remember that when things get tough, we can make it though. I think I want to make some kind of sign for my house that says when the going gets tough, the tough get "chicken and a biscuit". I'm so glad that things have returned to normal and that we are blessed to go through the normal ups and downs of life :)

Photo Job

Monday I did a photo shoot of my sister Kaytlynn. I'm still learning about taking pictures and I am NO WHERE near professional grade, but I had a fun time taking her pictures. Kaytlynn has really LONG red hair and she chopped it off minutes after this photo session. I have a lot of pictures to show because I had a fun time, so scan through :) I later went to do some photo work for my little sister Adrielle's boss who owns Lauren Brooks Cosmetiques. It was fun to see all of this fun makeup, I want it all! And it's natural and good for your skin. I have some of her cream foundation, which I'm really excited to use!

I'm waiting....

Ok, so I've been working out as much as I can right now and I'm not losing ANY weight. With an instant gratification type of life that we have all been raised in, it is sooo hard to wait to become thin again. I HATE being fat as much as anyone else does. I need to figure out the best way to get into shape. There are so many videos that say that they are the best way to get into shape, same with equipment. I guess variety is the best thing but it's hard to get a good workout when you have a 5x5 of space. I want to get something that is quick and effective. My body doesn't need this extra weight so I feel like it should just slide right off. I've already made the sacrifice of my body stretching out to have this kid why do I have to stay fat too?

So here are my goals:

I want to lose 25-30 lbs by May-June

I think it is totally do-able. I just need to stay focused on eating healthy. I think that is (like most people) the biggest challenge. The hubs LOVES his junk food (big surprise, that is all he ate growing up!) and it's hard not go get into food like that when he is eating it and keeps it in the house.
I think I will de-junk the house and see how things go from there. Good luck to me! Skinny Me here I come!

Just my frustrations today

So I want to quit nursing because for what ever reason my body does NOT lose weight until I'm done nursing....I feel like it is selfish of me to chose this because I should be doing what is best for my bug-a-roo. But to be honest I HATE looking at myself in the mirror because I feel so fat that the person I see isn't how I feel I should look. Plus I don't have many fat clothes and I don't want to buy more. I'm already eating lean, and trying to get in as many work outs as I can. I wish body fat came off as easy as it gets on. So IF I was to wean my kiddo off onto a bottle what is the best way? I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes with all of the stress and hassle of nursing I wonder if it is even worth it....I feel like I'm really hard on myself so I feel like, maybe if I get on the scale it will not be as bad as I think it is and then I won't beat up on myself so much...but if I get on the scale and it is much worse then I thought it would be I will be more angry and dislike my current situation even more....yeah, getting on the scale....not a good idea. Sorry my sweet baby looks like momma's gonna try to get that baby weight off now. If you have any good tips please leave them!

My projects as of late...

First, I have to say that I finished my brother's quilt. My camera's battery died so I didn't get any photos before I had to send it off to the MTC, but I'm proud of the work that I did on that blanket. So remember how I wanted to make Nautical stars that looked something like this:Well I have been working on sewing up some stars and this is what I have...10 light blue-dark blue with light orange to dark orange and 10 light green to dark green with light purple to dark purple. I'm also making some stars that are just solid colors. This has been a fun project so far because it is my go to project. I like all of the colors and I am really excited to see how this turns out. I know that it will be a while before I finish this because it's just something to do when I have time and money....(which I have very little of these days)Top view. So I've cut out 5 points of each color (5 different of each; 5 different shades of blue, orange, green and purple) then you cut them in half which makes it so that I have 100 different single pieces to sew and then when I've put them all together I have 10 stars of each set so a total of 20 stars...but I feel like there are so many pieces to put together.These are some of the solid stars I've been working on. I don't know where they are going to fit into the project because I was thinking that I would switch the colors up and make some stars that were purple and yellow and blue and green that are the nautical kind.
On another note, I thought I would NOT be able to go to school at all this semester because of the hubs taking the LSAT one last final time but it looks like I will be able to go part time. I won't be finished by the end of summer but at least I will be a few classes closer to my goal. I have to give myself credit because it does get really tricky when I have to have lessons ready for work, Ethan schooling, my homework done for school and tests studied for, on top of regular house work, laundry while nursing a 5 month old baby. I need to remind myself that I was blessed to have kids while I had the energy to take care of them. Schools will always be around where my kids are growing up NOW, and I really don't want to miss out on the important things that are happening in their lives.