Wanting What Others Have

I was the first of my friends to get married, and the first to have kids. Now when I was "planning" my life, I thought that I would go through school have a good career, find a good man to marry, work for 3-5 years and THEN think about having kids. But that wasn't in store for me. I finished some school, married the Hubs, graduated with my Cert. in Dental Technology, and had a pretty good job to help me get through school. My SURPRISE, aka Kid #1 came even after we were being EXTRA careful to NOT have kids. So chalk it up to "It was meant to be..". Because we had some extra complication with kid #1 (bi-lateral club foot) it was best that I stayed at home with him so I could be there for EVERY surgery. My kid needed a MOM not a baby sitter, since we had a lot of family support, staying at home was something we thought we could do and it would be best if I put my schooling on hold until we were in the clear. I've done as much school as I could do when I could. Now a mom of 2 I am NOT even close to finishing school. Most of my friends are done with school and starting to buy houses and start families. I know things aren't always going to go as planned but I really want to be done with school. I was looking at my credits and I am only half way there. Ben is going to be in school for the next 3 years (at least) and so odds are I will have to once again put my goal of finishing my education on hold. I don't think that there is anything wrong with being "just a mom", because being a mom takes a LOT more then one might think. I know that I feel better about myself and more accomplished by having more education under my belt. This next semester I will be taking night classes and I will be gone 3 nights a week. It seems so hard to peel myself away from my kids, especially since I have my baby who is so new. I don't want to miss out on the important things that will be happening to them but I also want to be able to be some-what of the woman that I had planned on being.

Cherry Red

So I have a major fear of speaking in front of people. (Which is odd because I'm such a chatter box) I don't like having attention where I know people are staring at me, waiting for me to finish what I am trying to say. I was in church (Relief Society) When a question was asked that I had an answer to. I start my answer and as I notice all eyes on my I start to go red. I don't know why I go red, I didn't feel that nervous. Just knowing I'm going red makes me turn red even darker and faster. The blood flow to my face an instant give-away to my insecurity of speaking. Seriously sooo lame! I wish I didn't get so embarrassed, answering a question in front of people I know shouldn't be such a big deal. Sometimes when I know I'm going to be talking in front a big group my lip will twitch, which just makes me feel more embarrassed. Why is speaking in front of people so scary?!

First one completed! This was my practice one so I could figure out what to do. Have to say I'm kinda proud of myself. Never knew I had it in me :) It's not perfect by ANY standard but Carter I'm sure will like it. The back is made with this super soft Minky star fabric. (I know stars...but I can't help it) It took me like 3 hrs from cutting to sewing it all together. Not bad esp when I'm a mom and made dinner, did laundry, and kept the house clean on top of everything else.